Wednesday, February 16, 2011

I love Toddlers & Tiaras

We all know why I hate The Bachelor. But oh how I love me some Wednesday night Toddlers & Tiaras. Let me count the ways, Letterman style.

10. The moms. Oh the moms and reliving their glory days through their daughters. It is rare that these women aren't haggard, sleep deprived and desperately in need of an orthodontic intervention.

9. The dads. The 1/100 of the audience forced to wear those gawd-awful airbrushed t-shirts with screen printed Glamour shots of their daughter. "WE LOVE YOU DESIREE!"

8. The moves that these goofy pageants require. I toy with the idea of YouTube-ing myself doing because I find it hilarious trying to master that walk. Maybe I'll save that for a Halloween party instead.

7. The Pageant Super Dad.

6. The introductory bios. Especially for babies. "Destiny has brown eyes and blond hair. Her role model is her mommy and she loves pageants, acting, gymnastics, and one day she hopes to be Miss USA. She is 6 months old. Thank you Destiny!"

5. The money! Some of these parents are living in trailers, can barely afford a meal beyond top ramen, and somehow think glitz pageants are a great investment. I think they may also be playing the Lotto each week in anticipation of a big win.

4. Flippers. There are not enough teeth for words.

3. The tantrums. I'm convinced these girls are grooming to be contestants on The Bachelorette 10 years from now. Because yes, they will be trying to go on at 15.

2. The audience. Or lack therof.

1. Eden Wood. Girl has a book about her at four years old and autographs it while BARELY able to write her name.


Twinkle Toes said...

#6 wouldn't you love to read their christmas letter?

Erin said...

YES! I'd die to be on their distribution list!