Sunday, April 25, 2010

Sunday Confessions

Most of my Sunday confessions are lighthearted and somewhat flippant. Today I am going to take a turn for the thought-provoking with something that has been nagging me for a while. I am not really looking for specific answers from anyone, but as was the initial intent with this blog, simply a place to express my thoughts.

Ironically, I am in a weird place when it comes to religion.

Technically I grew up in a Catholic household. By that I mean I was baptized, made my first communion, and regularly attended church until about 11 years old. After that, my family's attendance pretty much faded into oblivion. At the time, I didn't mind, I had better things to do. As I aged, I occasionally went with Kerri, but it always felt that I was going through the motions. More times than I'd like to admit, I simply felt I should be there, and spent more time counting blue hats or daydreaming about boys, not listening for any sort of message.

As I've grown and matured, my beliefs have as well. I am lost when it comes to where I stand. I understand the principles of the church, and though I don't agree with all of them, I can appreciate the traditions. Conversely, I am appalled at the monstrosities that have come from so many parishes and the complete mismanagement of dealing with the consequences.

That being said, and the beliefs that are at the core of Christianity itself (no labels in terms of denomination), I struggle with where science fits in. I know it's a major controversy for some, but there are things I can't argue with. Evolution occurs. I don't necessarily think one day that a fish crawled out of the ocean, but environments change, animals adapt, and I believe Darwin's theories that only the fittest survive.

This post is long, and I still don't have all of my thoughts formulated. I find that I am at a crossroads and have been so for a while and not sure where to turn. When I do not have the answer to something, I turn to books or Googling. In this case, I don't want to simply be sold on some other branch of a religion. I suppose it might be something that other people struggle with too, and perhaps the answer for some is simply faith. Overall it's just frustrating. I feel ill-equipped to formulate the questions to seek any answers.

Maybe that's what finding a religion is all about. I honestly don't know. How's that for a Sunday confession.

1 comment:

Traci said...

I recently found a bunch of notebooks from the last couple years, i.e. when I switched my major to Religious Studies, and not too surprisingly, found a lot of commentary and personal reflection on this matter written in the margins.

More than anything (and I can hardly stress this enough) it is your journey to take and nothing is black and white. If this degree has taught me anything, it is that no one has all the answers.

If you are interested (and it's totally fine if you are not), I have a lot of resources concerning religion, and not just the actual dogmas and histories, but people who have found their selves at crossroads.

It takes a lot to admit feeling "undefined", and I'm kinda proud of you, not many people allow themselves to entertain these thoughts.