Tuesday, November 25, 2008

6 billion and counting, oh my.

Why oh why is this world so populated?

I find it much more noticeable during the holiday season. People literally leave the safe confines of their home to venture into malls, grocery stores, and the streets. I have a theory that some of these people come out so infrequently that they forget how to mesh with the rest of us that make it a point to leave our homes at least five times a day. These special humans are most noticeable in the following ways:

1. Their mobility is limited. They stop in doorways, the middle of aisles, and generally the busiest of places. It is likely that they are also the culprits braking on the road with no car or obstacle in front of them.

2. They hold up lines, lines, LINES! This species also seems to forget how the American dollar works. It is true, it's crap, but so is money all over the world, probably even the Monopoly money they are used to in their hibernating dwellings. For some reason that I hope I am rewarded for at a later time in life, they are also ALWAYS in front of me. I carefully scope out which Target/Trader Joe's/Albertson's line looks to be moving the fastest and somehow they sneak in and lose their monetary marbles. No you cannot use a combination of 7 credit/gift/debit cards to pay for that purchase. No, please do not decide to open a Target account in front of me and then proceed to debate for 10 mins over what split purchase to apply your 15% discount.

3. They generally have zero fashion sense. I know that claim is a bit below the belt, but come on people! At least roll out of bed and throw some pants and real shoes on--pajamas and slippers are not made for the public's viewing, EVER. Remember that it was only a few short years ago that women wore gloves, pearls, pantyhose, and heels. Men wore three piece suits and carried pocket watches. Their pants rose near the navel, not the knees. Show some effort for the rest of us who have to look at all of you.

Bottom line, hibernators, when entering the public sector, be aware of your surroundings. People move at a fast past-time is flying by and those of us that shake each day are out there taking advantage of it. Do stop and smell the flowers, but pull over and do it on your own time. If we are going to share the same resources we need to get along and move at a compatible speed.

It's at least 60 on the freeway and crocs are never ok.

1 comment:

Scott said...

are you kidding me...being clueless, such as I am, means that I don't have to worry about anything else such as my surroundings. And at the end of the day i've worried about one less thing than you have (you will have more wrinkles! boo-ya!).